I know it's long and you may have seen it before... maybe not...
Diary of someone new to Michigan:
August 12~ Moved to Michigan. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so serene and picturesque. I can hardly wait to see them covered in snow. God's country--I love it here.
October 14~Michigan is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all differant colors. I love the shadesa of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. The most beautiful animals on earth. This must be paradise--I love it here!
November 11~Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine why anyone would want to kill such an elegant creature, the symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon--I love it here!
December 3~It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place, mother nature in perfect harmony--I love it here!
December 12~More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland--I love it here!
December 19~More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I'm exhausted from shoveling--Fucking snowplow.
Decmeber 22~More of the white shit last night. I've got blisters on m hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling this driveway--Asshole!
December 25~"White Christmas" my busted ass! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch tat drives that snowplow. I swear I'll castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads, to melt this fucking ice.
December 28~More white shit last night. Been inside since christmas day, except for shoveling the driveway after "Snowplow Harry" come by everytime. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The weather man says to expect anothe 10" of the shit tonight. Do you know how many shovel fulls of snow 10" is? $3,000 worth of damage to the car. those fucking beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
January 1~Happy Fucking New Year!! The weather man was wrong again. We got 14" of the white shit. At this rate, it won't melt until the fourth of July! The snowplow got stuck up the road and the shithead had the balls to coe to the door and ask if he could borrow my shovel. After I told him that I've already broken six shovels shoveling the shit that he pushed in my driveway, I broke my last shovel over his fucking head!
January 4~Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damn deer ran in front of the car and I hit the bastard. Did about piece of shit!
May 3~Took the car to the garage in town. Would you belive the thing is rotting out from all that fucking salt they kept dumping all over the road?
May 10~Moved to Tennessee. I can't imagine why anyone in thier frigging min would ever want to live in that god forsaken state of Michigan!!
You Know You're From Michigan When...
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
You can identify an Ohio accent.
Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
Owning a Japanese car is a hanging offense in your hometown.
You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
The Big Mac is something that you drive across.
You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
You bake with soda and drink pop.
You drive 75 on the highway and you pass on the right.
Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.
You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.
You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
You expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, the opening of deer season and Devil's Night.
Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.
At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.
You know what a millage is.
Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.
You know what a "Yooper" is.
Your car rusts out before you need the brakes done
Half the people you know say they are from Detroit... yet you don't personally know anyone who actually lives in Detroit
"Up North" means north of Clare.
You know what a pastie is.
You occasionally cheer "Go Lions- and take the Tigers with you."
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
At least 25% of your relatives work for the auto industry.
You don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.
Octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.
You know more about chill factors and lake effect than you'd EVER like to know!
Your snowblower has more miles on it than your car.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."
You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.
You never watch the Weather Channel - you can just assume they're wrong.
The snowmen you make in your front yard actually freeze. Solid.
The snow freezes so hard that you can actually walk across it and not break it or leave any marks.
All your shoes are called "tennis shoes", even though no one here plays tennis anyway.
Your major school field trip includes camping and cross-country skiing.
Half your friends have a perfect sledding hill right in their own backyard.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Michigan.